When Your Heart Breaks It Should be a Big Deal

Even when the reality of an issue is overwhelming
or the pain you see in a person or a group of people is hard to get through to, hard to change;
when it's such a heaviness that your heart breaks.

It must be realized that one small drop in a bucket can make a difference.
Or more like the whole bucket full.

Let me tell you a story. A piece of my story.

::

The summer was a hot one, just like so many of the others.
Especially in the kitchen. Kitchens in the summer should be for mid-morning or evening hours in the coolness making cold fruit smoothies & finding ice pops in the freezer.

Not at summer camp.
With 180+ people to be served on any given weekday, that kitchen saw very few of those dimly lit, relaxed moments. But oh! the raucous & the fun! The music, the banging of pots dirty & clean, the thoughtful conversations or sneaky plotting of pranks, the calling for refills, the ice machine, the laughter!

My recollection of that moment washing away at the mound of dishes piled by "Oscar", the industrial sink so dubbed for his food scrap disposing ways, has a slightly hazy quality of memory about it.
As do most of my memories that are not paired with a photo.

The red-headed nurse-volunteer for the week seemed easy-going and something in me was, as often in those days (and occasionally even now :) looking for some fun in the midst of a mindless task.
So the spray hose was off it's hook and directed at her upon her unsuspecting entrance through the side kitchen door before I quite knew it would happen myself.
Her laughter and quick wet-faced exit sealed the deal: A water battle between us that quickly grew from spray hose to water cups to 5 gallon buckets, dousing one another in unsuspecting moments over the course of that week.

And it began something more: Our friendship.
One that continues to be singularly unique & blessing after nearly 13 years.
it has been she who I remember most clearly asking me
"What is God teaching you?"
and ready to listen for the answer - no matter how long it took me to tell.
This red-headed friend, whose 15 years on me doesn't change the depth of friendship, is a constant point of reference for me. Pointing me to the Jesus we both love.

::

As I have embarked on the fragile beginnings of mentorship with valuable younger women, I hold that still-growing story out into the light & see that this quality of transparency is worth my time; worth investing myself.  It is worth hard questions & tears; listening & prayer. Worthwhile in the small times because they become what is remembered in big ways.

When your heart breaks it should be a Big Deal.